How to Pray: A Beginner's Guide for People Who Feel Awkward About It

One of Jesus’s closest friends, after watching him pray, turned to him and asked a question that has echoed for two thousand years: “Lord, teach us to pray.” If you’ve ever felt a bit lost or clumsy trying to figure out how to pray, you’re in good company. Even the people who walked with Jesus every day needed a little guidance.

TL;DR

Prayer is simply talking with God. You don't need fancy words or a special formula; Jesus taught that our Father already knows what we need. The Lord's Prayer gives us a beautiful pattern to follow: connecting with God as Father, aligning our hearts with His will, asking for our needs, and seeking forgiveness and protection.

Key Answers

What if I don't know what to say? Start with the simple pattern Jesus gave in the Lord's Prayer, or just honestly tell God what's on your mind. (Matthew 6:9-13)

Does prayer have to be out loud? No, Jesus encouraged praying in private, which can be silent, in your thoughts, or even written in a journal. (Matthew 6:6)

Is there a wrong way to pray? Prayer isn't a performance to impress others; Jesus warned against using empty, repetitive words just to be heard. (Matthew 6:5, 7)

When he finished praying in a certain place.

Luke 11:1 · WEB

You're in Good Company: Even the Disciples Asked for Help

It's one of the most reassuring moments in the Gospels. Jesus finishes praying, and one of his disciples just comes right out and asks for help.

When he finished praying in a certain place, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John also taught his disciples.”

Luke 11:1 (WEB)

They didn't have it all figured out. They saw something real in the way Jesus connected with the Father, and they wanted to learn. They felt like beginners, too. This tells us something vital: it is completely normal to ask for help with prayer. It is not a sign of weak faith; it is a sign of a heart that wants to connect.

As commentator Adam Clarke notes, Jesus simply answered their request. He didn't scold them for not knowing. He gave them a starting point.

He said to them, “When you pray, say, ‘Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us day by day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us. Bring us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’”

Luke 11:2-4 (WEB)

Your feeling of uncertainty is not a barrier to God. It's an invitation to ask the same question the disciples asked: "Lord, teach me to pray."

And when thou prayest.

Matthew 6:5 · KJV

Jesus's First Rule of Prayer: Ditch the Performance

Much of the awkwardness around prayer comes from the idea that it’s a performance. Maybe we grew up hearing prayers that sounded like formal speeches, full of lofty language we could never imitate. Jesus directly addresses this pressure. He saw people praying to be seen and told his followers to do the exact opposite.

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

Matthew 6:5 (KJV)

Their "reward" was the attention they got from people. That was it. Jesus invites us into something far more intimate and real.

But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Matthew 6:6 (KJV)

This isn't about a literal closet. It's about finding a place of privacy where the audience is just God. It could be your car, a quiet corner of your house, or a walk in the park. The point is to remove the pressure to perform for anyone else. Prayer is a conversation with your Father.

He continues by freeing us from the burden of finding the "right" words or saying enough of them.

But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.

Matthew 6:7-8 (KJV)

This is revolutionary. God is not a vending machine that requires the perfect combination of words. He is a Father who already knows your heart, your needs, and your struggles before you even begin. Prayer isn't about informing God; it’s about relating to Him.

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our.

Matthew 6:9-13 · KJV

A Simple Pattern When You Don't Have Words

So if we aren't meant to perform or use vain repetitions, what are we supposed to do? This is where Jesus gives his disciples, and us, the beautiful template we call the Lord's Prayer. It isn't a magic incantation to be recited mindlessly, but a pattern for our own conversations with God. Matthew Henry called it a "guide for the ordinary content and structure of prayer."

After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Matthew 6:9-13 (KJV)

Let's break down the pattern in plain language.

1. Start with Relationship: "Our Father in heaven..." Prayer begins by remembering who we're talking to. Not a distant force, but a Father. This sets the tone for everything else. 2. Honour His Name: "Hallowed be thy name." This is about putting God in his rightful place. It's a moment of worship, shifting our focus from our problems to His greatness. 3. Ask for His Kingdom: "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done..." We align our own desires with God's larger purposes for the world and for our lives. It’s asking, "God, what do you want to happen here?" 4. Ask for Today's Needs: "Give us this day our daily bread." This is wonderfully practical. We can bring our real, everyday needs to God, trusting Him to provide for this day. Not for next year, but for today. 5. Get Honest About Sin: "And forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors." This is the part where we bring our failings to Him and also commit to extending that same grace to others who have wronged us. 6. Ask for Protection: "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil." We acknowledge our weakness and our need for God's guidance and protection in the spiritual battles we face.

This isn't a rigid script. It's a framework. You can spend a minute on each part, or you can spend a whole prayer session on just one.

What if My Words Run Out?

Sometimes, the issue isn't knowing the pattern; it's that the words just aren't there. You might be in too much pain, too confused, or too exhausted to formulate a coherent thought. The Bible gives incredible comfort for these moments.

First, you have permission to use someone else's words. The book of Psalms is the Bible's prayer book. It contains the full spectrum of human emotion, spoken directly to God. When you don't know what to say, you can pray a Psalm. You can shout your anger and confusion with David:

How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

Psalm 13:1-2 (KJV)

The preacher C.H. Spurgeon noted that God hears these raw cries, "not for their musicality, but for the sincere desire and affection ignited by His Spirit within them." Bringing your honest, messy heart to God is an act of trust. It is powerful prayer. As another Psalm says:

Trust in him at all times, you people. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us. Selah.

Psalm 62:8 (WEB)

Second, even when you can't find words in a Psalm, God still hears. The Spirit of God himself steps in on your behalf.

In the same way, the Spirit also helps our weaknesses, for we don’t know how to pray as we ought. But the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which can’t be uttered. He who searches the hearts knows what is on the Spirit’s mind, because he makes intercession for the saints according to God.

Romans 8:26-27 (WEB)

A sigh, a tear, a groan from a place deeper than words. God hears that as prayer. You are never praying alone, and your inability to articulate does not disqualify you. The Spirit translates your heart's cry for you.

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 · WEB

Prayer Isn't an Event, It's a Conversation

Perhaps the biggest hurdle for beginners is the idea that prayer is a formal event you have to schedule. But the Bible presents it more like an open line of communication. It can be woven into the fabric of your day.

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (WEB)

In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (WEB)

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him.

James 1:5 (WEB)

Let us therefore draw near with boldness to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy, and may find grace for help in time of need.

Hebrews 4:16 (WEB)